The Life of a Twenty-Something...growing up.

Have you heard of the Stanford Prison Experiment?

The Stanford Prison Experiment occured in 1971 at Stanford University, and it was to see how average college students reacted and behaved under these unique circumstances.  The men were chosen from a group of 70 applicants.  The 24 men were randomly separated into groups, either prisoner or guards.

This is one of the things they did to the prisoners to make them feel less like an individual and to break down their psychological well being.

“The use of ID numbers was a way to make prisoner feel anonymous. Each prisoner had to be called only by his ID number and could only refer to himself and the other prisoners by number.

The stocking cap on his head was a substitute for having the prisoner’s hair shaved off. The process of having one’s head shaved, which takes place in most prisons as well as in the military, is designed in part to minimize each person’s individuality, since some people express their individuality through hair style or length. It is also a way of getting people to begin complying with the arbitrary, coercive rules of the institution. The dramatic change in appearance of having one’s head shaved can be seen on this page.”

Crazy crazy!!  I really recommend you reading about this controversial experiment here at: http://www.prisonexp.org

Unemployment and Me

So I am 23 years old.  I am unemployed, and I think there are quite a few of us on this boat of the the unemployed.  I got a job offer yesterday but it was for the exact industry I just left.  They see that I can be a great sales person and relate well to people, which I can do.  I can do that job and I believe I can be a top performer, but, it is not my passion, and I need to go for my passion instead of heaps of money.  Not only that, the uncertainty of income associated with being in sales scares me, and the frustration I faced while being at New York Life isn’t something I want to go through again while the wounds are still fresh.

So, I am going to start looking into non-profit jobs, I want to devote more time to the magazine I am apart of, I want to start thinking about perhaps starting an invitation card business…these are all things I plan on getting involved with and just bettering myself in a creative manner.

I also travelled for a month—going abroad was a way for me to truly learn about myself and learn about my culture and heritage.  I learned to speak urdu, I learned about fashion, I learned about poverty; poverty like you don’t see in the United States.  I saw corrupt governments lack of compassion on display out in the street.

So, do I believe my time being unemployed is time wasted?  No, I don’t.  I am doing my best to better myself and to learn about myself, my likes, dislikes, whatever it may be.

I also learned that I can’t chase a job purely for the income, I need something that I can find being a stable future.

ALSO I am reading about people who blog, and honestly it’s so funny, I feel like my blog should have more of a purpose and stuff.  Yes, my life is quite interesting, but maybe I should do a less personal blog, perhaps a blog about scrapbooking or design!?

What do you think?!?! ok jk i have no readers, so that’s a rhetorical question by default…

Job Market

So today I got a job offer.  I’ve gotten kind of a few actually, but I don’t know…I want ONE particular job.

I am a total idiot though because today I kind of accepted a job offer that I really do not want.  They just told me, they really like me and they want me, what do I say? and I said okay ya…but my heart was sayingn no no no no no.  I am such a pushover.  I don’t wanna work there.  It’s insurance sales and financial services, and I just do not want to do that right now.  I don’t see that as long term at all.  It is good money but too much work and I am just not interested in doing work like that.   I don’t mind working hard, but the fact that a lot of your hard work and prospecting pays off a year or two later is not sufficient for me, I just cannot do it.

I have to tell them though.  and I don’t know how to!!!!

UGHHH

I also feel terrible because like 5 of my sisters work there, and I am sure they put in a good word for me.

ALSO, I don’t have a back up job.  I would love to work for a non-profit, but I don’t know if I got the job I interview for last week…I hope I get it iA!!

Life and Death

Yesterday evening at approximately 10pm…my beautiful aunt passed away and left behind her five children.  I have tried so hard today to be strong for her babies, for her family, for my mother, I don’t know how to mourn.  My way of mourning is writing this here

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For those of you who don’t know her, she will be remembered as a mother to five beautiful children, khala to many nieces and nephews, and puppo & chachi to many more.  I grew up with her children; I remember her even before Sana was born; all family functions were spent with her.  I don’t recall a single event where she wasn’t there.

I remember when Sana was obsessed with horses, when chubby-cheeked anam was a big germaphobe that her mom told us that if she sees lip marks on a glass she turns it around to sip from the other side.  I remember the immense pride she had bringing Kashif home, her first born son, that October evening.  I remember the anguish she felt when she accidentally burned Iqra’s hand on the humidifier, and how sad and upset she was for doing that.  I also remember her taking care of her baby Sajid, her youngest, always hand-feeding him, always making sure he was alright.  He was hospitalized three years ago, and that was the most upset I saw her.  Her passion was her family; not just her five children, but her nieces and nephews.  I remember all the birthday parties and Eid parties at her house and all the times we were at her house just to hang out.  She never once told me I was doing something wrong, and I think I appreciate most her positive outlook on life and her unconditional love for her family.

I remember the home that Sana was born in; and the house where Anam was born in—-that was the house where in the backyard these little black things would fall from the trees.  I remember Kashif and Iqra were both born in the West Covina house; it was a beautiful home with a Jacuzzi.  Iqra hated going in that Jacuzzi; she would cry even if we put her in her little floatie.  The four of them would always watch Barney, and I admittedly joined them.  I would spend so much time at their home, and she treated me like I was her own.

The house they currently live in is where they brought up Sajid.  Sajid is his mother’s little angel.  I remember her always in her shalwar kameez, sweater vest over it, walking around her house.  She was always, always looking out for her children.  I remember most of my childhood was spent in her home; playing with Sana, Anam and Saara, and she had no complaints watching us while my mom was at work when it was summer.  She was just always there.  Sana and Anam are like my little sisters.  I yelled at them for being bratty when I was younger, I made fun of Sana when she spoke only urdu when she was like 3 (sorry), I bugged the crap out of them when I went to their house, I made them over in red lipstick and made them try on my-size Barbie’s wedding dress.  We have fun memories that transcend beyond Barbie’s and makeovers; just being at family parties and spending some New Year’s Eves at their home was just fun.  Now that we’re older, we have such a great relationship because we’re all on the same level of understanding and they just have this wonderful positive outlook on life that I think is unparallel to anyone I know.  Those girls make me so incredibly proud.  Their parents did the best job; they have such big hearts masha’allah.

Fauzia Khali was the first person to show up if somebody was sick, the last person to leave your party after insisting on helping to clean up.  She was just so selfless, and I hope I can be just like her.  Her husband loved her so much too…his life revolved around making that woman happy, and may God give him peace and strength during this time.

I think the hardest part about this is, just knowing she can’t be there with us anymore.  She won’t be at our weddings, she won’t throw us our dolkhis.  She won’t share in the joy of meeting her son-in-laws and her grandchildren.  May God give her children strength.  May God accept her in heaven.

What Kind of Job Am I Looking For?

I kind of know the type of position I am looking for, yet I am having a great deal of trouble finding it….I don’t want to do menial office work.  Yet, I need a paycheck!!

Currently, I am sitting at Borders, reading books titled Get Hired Fast!, 200 Damn Good Resumes, 100+ Winning Answers to Interview Questions, and other such books to help me tweak my resume and find a fantastic job.  Yet, what does this job entail?

I want a job that isn’t simply a job—I want to make it a career. I am damn good at anything I attempt, save for sports (physically impossible for me!), and I am ridiculously competitive and will not settle being “average,” I have to be the best at everything…and I have the drive, passion, and focus to be.

What I love most is a challenge!  I love being challenged to achieve something, I enjoy the thrill and excitement of meeting deadlines, fast-paced, cut-throat deadlines where things absolutely have to be done by a certain date, and not just done, but done perfectly.  It’s what I’m good at.  I have always been a leader in everything, from school projects, to extracurricular activities, you name it.  I am not an idiot, and I can do almost anything.

I took a job quiz (yes I did!) and they suggested a bunch of cool things like Editor, Consultant, HR, Politician (Woo Hoo!), Financial Advistor, Advertising, and the like.  It was a cool line up of jobs, but it was so vast!  I think what I want to do, but never had the time to hone my skills at, is really become excellent at Graphic Design.  I remember in high school I would race home and spend hours perfecting my layouts—and they always looked so much better than the other boring yearbook layouts.  I always wanted something fresh and new.  I also volunteered at Quba Magazine for my Masjid, and there I had an incredible time designing layouts and creating aesthitcally pleasing things for people to look at.  I am just good at it, and I know I’d succeed at creating aesthetic ads or even working at as a creative director for a magazine.  I don’t even know how to tap into that business!  I plan on taking Photoshop classes this summer to make my skills better, and maybe even take some webdesign courses?  I have a creative mind, but I have never had the ability to hone these skills and use them.  I love art.

Another thing I would like to do is to be a columnist.  A columnist or a writer.  I feel I have a good voice, and my experiences are the kinds that many women can relate to.  I am an extreme grammar nazi, so I know that will help, too.  I just have an interesting, uninhibited POV and I can write interesting articles.  I wrote crap articles for the New U about random subjects like Cosmology and other horrible things…but those were done last minute and were ridiculously sloppy because I had little direction from the editors.  I don’t think they were THAT bad still, just not my best performance.

I also have an incredible ability to build and maintain relationships with people, so sales comes naturally to me.  I sound cocky, I know, but I don’t have to try incredibly hard to be good at sales.  It just happens.  So, naturally, if any people want me for sales I’d like to go in that direction.  However, much of the positions popping up now are in the Financial Sector and these positions generally do not offer a real, solid base salary.  That’s something I am just interested in working with.

What I would absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE to do is Event Planning and Coordination.  I think this is my dream job.  I would enjoy working as an event planner for any type of event—be it a wedding, a social function, a charity event…anything! I so hope I get the CAIR position iA!!!

Anyway, it is time for me to bounce and start job hunting a bit more!  :)  And fix up my RESUME!

PS there are some major scammy jobs out there! I refuse to ever walk door to door to get a job!

JOB HUNT!

Job Hunt Day 243850248q50485???

So today, I woke up and purposely decided to miss my 1^st interview, and I don’t know, it just didn’t feel right so I chose not to go.  I hope it was a shitty job, so I hope I missed it for the right reasons!  I started to get ready for my 10:45 interview out in Sherman Oaks…I hoped it would be good!  This company is a Sports Marketing Firm and they work with sports teams like the Dodgers and Clippers, so they couldn’t’ be that bad, right?  I just hoped it wouldn’t be a horrific experience.  I got ready, and I was so happy because I looked super thin and cute in my outfit, I wore high heels, pants that were a bit high waisted (higher than usual) and they did wonders for my figure—I looked like a had very long legs and a small skinny torso! Yay, I hope this outfit was worth it!  I slipped on my BCBG Heels and got ready to drive the 50 minutes of traffic.  So, I got there, and was quite disappointed.  The woman, Beth, told me about their company, and didn’t glance at my resume! The office was shabbily decorated with Plywood desks, and just about 3 or 4 rooms.  The main entrance was quite large with a number of chairs for potential interviewees—looked like there were about 8-10 chairs!  The girl at the front desk was very unprofessional in the manner that she answered the phone and it seemed as though everyone who called in was calling to schedule and interview!! I was very surprised when the girl who was interviewing before me was out of the room within 10 minutes—what can they possibly have discussed in 10 minutes?  I also noticed that there was hardly anyone in the office, and that the painting in the room next to where I was sitting was crooked.  The office just looked shabby!  A woman walked into the interviewer’s office, and it seemed like she traded spots with him!  She didn’t have her own office—looks like nobody had their own office.  I noticed there were no name plates next to the doors, and I wondered where the employees were!

I walked into the room and the lady asked me to sit.  She was wearing a black sweater and black slacks, her hair tied up in a messy bun.  She was pretty, and seemed assertive, but not someone I would say is professional by any means.  She wasn’t that nice, either.  Her first question was, “Do you like sports?” and I said well, Yes, I have two brothers so I grew up in a house where I watched sports.  That’s the truth, the Lakers Game was always on and I used to watch the Playoffs with my family, and I used to play NBA Live with my brothers and their friends (I was pretty good!).  I also watched them play Madden Football on their playstations, so did I like sports? Sure, why not.  I am taking my boyfriend to a Dodgers game and I had fun at the last one, so sure, I like sports.  I wasn’t lying, I don’t dislike sports!

She told me more about the job, asked me what I was looking for and how soon I’d like to start.  I said I am looking to start as soon as I find the right fit.  And she said, ok.  she told me that they are more of a sports marketing company, where the market the events and pass out tickets and get people to go to the events, and make little packages for companies to give to their employees.  I didn’t even try to act interested because I really did not care for this job; in actuality, I wanted to walk right out of the office.  She told me they’d be doing a second round of interviews where you “shadow” their employees, and I should wear comfortable shoes.  I asked where all the employees were and she said “ya they come in the morning then spend their days outside.”  Ok, I understaned that, but honestly, that was our interview.  She didn’t seem too enthrusiastic about the job, she didn’t make me want it, she was juts boring and she kept me in “her” office for just 8 minutes!  Out of control! I have never had an 8 minute interview.  She asked me to come back this week to shadow the employees and I couldn’t say no, so I said let me take a look at my schedule and she said, “are u taking classes or something?”  Didn’t the idiot look at my resume? It said I graduated UC Irvine last August!   I said no, I have quite a few other interviews lined up so Friday is my only free day, so she told me to come Friday.  I will call them and say I am no longer interested at all.

I don’t want to wait until Friday to find out that this is some scam!  I already know it doesn’t feel right.

I want the corporate feel in my new job that I had at New York Life—men in suits, women dressed professionally, red oak desks, fish bowl meeting rooms, classy people.  I just didn’t like the lack of training and encouragement that I got from New York Life, so no thank you to that.  This job just had crap written all over it.  So, I have an interview in about an hour, and then three more Marketing type interviews tomorrow that I hope are all much better than this one that I had today!  Pray for me!!

ramblings

I find it completely mesmerizing reading my old Political Science notes, learning about political theories that try to explain the governance of our world.  I find it completely fascinating the way that realist theory has become so popular; so popular that people often forget that this is simply a theory and not reality.  or is it? The world’s only superpower invade Iraq, Afghanistan, and is on the verge of invading Pakistan and Iran.  This was all in response to the September 11 actions.  This behavior epitomizes realist theory—the united states essentially felt that since there is no dominant power that will give security and peace to the rest of the world, that they must step in and become that power and protect their borders, protect themselves.  Are they wrong for doing so?  States exist under anarchy in the world, so the united states feels it should step in and be that dominate power and protect itself.  Are they wrong? I have split opinions on this…I feel secure residing within its borders, yet I see the pain and agony of mothers who lost their children, and widows who lost their husbands.

A take on Privacy….

Okay, I know no one reads this, and that’s kind of how I like it…because I’ve unfortunately come across many, many backstabbing people in my past and I don’t know who to trust.  I don’t like sharing extra personal information with those who are hungry for information and like to stalk me because my life is kind of interesting ( I like to keep it that way) but the very instant I mess up, they go tell people, like my brother.  Well, that’s why I’m not sure if I want to have people start following me.  I don’t necessarily want to censor myself on here, I don’t think that’s being true to myself.  Yet, I don’t want to share too much personal information that it gets to the point where I fear who is reading my blog.

I was in Pakistan for a month just a while back, and my status updates on facebook had a few things here and tehre about my trip.  I posted photos, I wrote a note about the horrible child beggar situation, and I mused about the culture and society there.  I was generally just writing little tidbits here and there, unsure of who was reading my posts.  Yet, I realized so many people were keeping up to date with my ramblings, peole who didn’t acknowledge it to me with their comments.  Yes, I understand that while posting something on a public networking site where I am connected to about 500 people comes with these consequences, but I wonder, are these people really that bored with their life that they follow mine? 

When my sister got married and moved to New York, I had no idea she read my Xanga everyday.  I chronicled almost everyday of my senior year of high school on there, and yet I had no clue my sister was one of my avid readers.  She told me just last month, or the month before, that she read my blog.  I don’t know who else did.

Well, what I have to say about this is, of course, I should be careful not to expose too much on this blog, yet expose enough to keep it interesting.  I am the kind of person who maybe doesn’t know where it becomes “too much.”  For exmaple, when I saw the Britney/Madonna kiss on the MTV awards, I thought oh ok that’s crazy, cool, let’s watch the rest of the show.  I think the media blows small incidents like that way out of proportion, partially I assume because they have nothing else to write/blog about, and also because they absolutely love exposing these small exciting incidents because their life does not consist of outrageous moments like that.  Not that I have any lesbian kisses or other crazy skeletons in my closet, I’m just saying, I’m not one to be shocked so easily as the general public.  That is why generally, I think some things I say or do might bring more surprise to others.

Oh I thoght of something kind of cool, I wrote this series of blogs a while back while I was still single and out on the prowl, and I got amazing feedback.  Funny—a girl told me 2 weeks ago she used to read those, but she and I barely talked.  I find that stuff very intersting.  Anyway, I think my take on the swine we call Frat Boys was pretty interesting and perhaps bookworthy?  I mused to myself that those entries might be something fun to send in to a publisher to read.  I mean honestly, it’s something so many young women can relate to—the stumbling upon a toothbrush that doesn’t belong to you, finding another girl’s earrings at the bedside table, and other such atrocious things that helps you realize the guy you’re seeing is a scum bag.  I think it might be a fun read for all the girls out there who have been in these similarly horrible situations, or even an eye-opener to the naive girls who remain in these relationships.

Anyway, I know I always go off on a tangeant, but I guess, no big deal.  I am not writing for an audience, but for myself.

Also, when I get a chance to, I will post some things about my trip to Pakistan on here.  I encountered some amazing situations that I can’t wait to write about.  It’s been almost three weeks since my return, but my culture and heritage is so rich it would be a shame not to write about it.

I just realized, I think I write these things to remind myself what I have been through, so when I am older I can always think, “thank god I have improved beyond that.”  I generally don’t have any blogs where I wish I could go back to that young stage.  I am happy with my progress in life.  :)

A bientot! <3

Master Cleanse

Has anyone done the master cleanse diet?  I am considering it.  Being 23 takes a toll on your metabolism.  I am not a fat porker by any means, but I am gaining a tad bit of weight I think.  I’m  trying the master cleanse..but the whole drinking lemonade/cayenne pepper/maple syrup concoction for 14 days is a bit out there.  The idea of not being able to eat any solid foods is a bit ludacris, don’t you think?   I think I will do my own little take on the master cleanse; I’ll eat healthy food (no soda, no chocolate, no unhealthly snacks) and drink this drink.  I mean I did, after all, pay $18 for the organic, grade B maple syrup!!!

And, I am still unemployed and it is almost May.  I’m avidly looking for a new job.  I think I’m a better person than most people in the working world today—I’m ethical, dedicated, and I have an outgoing personality.  Yet, I will absolutely not settle for any ordinary job.  The place I was interviewing with last week just seemed like a job where they use and abuse college grads who know nothing about the real world.  They micromanage like crazy because they don’t trust these kids, and they expect you to go door-to-door to sell internet and phone service to small businesses who likely already have these services.  Not only that, the pay is menial, and the company is not something I would want to brag about working at.  It is not something I deem to be a great conversation piece, “Uh yes, I go knocking on business doors, help myself in if nobody answers and look for people to talk to in the office, then I lie to to them to get them to meet with me and sell them overpriced service that charges a $500 installlation fee…and really, that “installation” fee is my commission! sweet deal, huh??”  Not the place for me.

Anyway, I am sitting at Peet’s Coffee right now applying for jobs.  I would overall like to work somewhere that  I am in charge of spearheading some project, or at least help responsible for meeting intense deadlines.  I love working under pressure and it’s what I do best at.  I almost forgot how much I love being busy; I have had so much free time since I quit working, and even when I worked at New York Life, because let’s face it, who was buying financial products?  I need a job that is fast paced, fun, exciting, and where I am surrounded by equally motivated people.

Chao for today.  I’m going to apply some more, then run over to Whole Foods and get lunch.  :)

Callin it Quits!

So I did something that is maybe a bit crazy…but so so exciting.  I quit from New York Life today…and I couldn’t be happier.  I am just so excited to get out of there…it was such a downer and no place for me to be long term.  I am looking for a new job and I got a good opportunity but I don’t think I’m going to do it.  I did Salaat Istikhara for it and it became clear that this job isn’t right.  Too bad…

insha’allah something good will come along!

In other news…I am turning 23 this Saturday.  Woo hoo.

And, I’m leaving for Dubai and Pakistan next week!

AND Saad, my older brother, totalled his car.  That so completely sucks for him…because his insurance was not a “comprehensive plan” and he has to buy a new car on his own.  I feel bad for him…he’s trying to save for his wedding and this shit happens.  So kids…lesson to be learned: DRIVE SAFE…don’t speed.